Do you know, what it feels like to wait for a decision about a permanent green card? When you’ve already had a conditional green card for two years but have to apply again, for the permanent 10 year one, just to see the USCIS service center to slow down right before it reaches your application (and of course the applications of everyone else who filed the papers around the same time). When it should be so simple, since you are obviously still very much married to the same husband than three years ago when you first applied for your first green card, but having to prove it by printing out dozens of pictures of you two, inches of documents and some more documents. When you know everything should be fine, and it should just be a matter of waiting, but still your fate is once again in the hands of a faceless bureaucrat and making long term plans feels pointless. When everyone tells you to calm down, because everything should be fine with your application and you know it yourself, but waiting and being patient* have never been your strengths. At least for me there’s a lot of anxiety involved.
Today for the longest time I felt like writing something to my blog. I started to miss this. We haven’t been doing much, the last time we left the state was in October, for the Albuquerque Hot Air Balloon Festival. This weekend we got snowed in. I’ve been working, learning Adobe Lightroom, reading. I had some slow days at work and learned the locations, capitals and flags of all the countries in the world, just to keep myself too busy to not obsess about the filing. Slowly it feels like there might be some room in my mind for the blog too.
*A conversation between my mother and my brother when they visited me here.
Brother: She just needs to be patient, I’m on it, just a little bit longer.
Mother: I don’t think she knows what that word means.
I am trying my best. All I really want for Christmas is the wait to be over and be able to better plan international travel and simply just future here. At least I actually feel like updating this blog. Here’s to hoping it will stay.